Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow —
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand —
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep — while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
A Dream Within a Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
My youngest daughter, at such an early age, proclaimed she could not wake from this dream. She would come to me at random times and state that she felt as if her waking life was a dream that she could not wake from. When she first came to me, I was a devout Christian. I was a very dogmatic, fire and brimstone, all sinners will go to hell if they do not repent, Christian. I had very specific beliefs on life and why we were here in this world. All that mattered was written in the pages of an antiquated holy book. I did not know and understand that there were other religions and beliefs in the world. I was born and raised in the United States, where the dominant religion is Christianity and therefore the god of the bible was the only god people worshiped. This was my God, and no one was going to tell me that my religion was flawed, and that there is much more to this life than what the bible told.
In 2015, I began seriously questioning the validity of my faith. Did I truly believe this, or am I just afraid of hell? I began a mission, a journey of study that would lead me to something that would be so foreign to my worldview, it would change my life completely. I started with the various Christian theologies. I learned that not every Christian denomination has the same beliefs. This completely rocked me to my very bones, my heart even. It penetrated my soul and really started me on my spiritual path that would eventually bring me to the realization that we are all just souls having a human experience. We use religion as a way to define and make sense of this crazy world.
After I had studied Christianity, I moved on to the other two main world religions, Judaism and Islam. I found beauty and profound insights in each one. After these, I studied Hinduism, Buddhism, Native American spirituality, and many others. This led me to discover the path I would take for years to come. I found paganism, or neo-paganism as it is often referred to, and I felt like I was finding a home I never knew I left.
It’s been 9 years since I first encountered paganism, and I have grown so much. My life has changed tremendously. I was divorced for the second time, and my two daughters are now 15 and 17. I have spent these past 9 years still finding where I belong spiritually, and I have realized that I do not need to fit any molds. I do not need to define my path, because we just are. We have incarnated on this planet to learn and to grow.
My daughter all those years ago gave me a gift. Thinking back to the time she first told me she felt as if her life was a dream, I remember just brushing it off and assuming that it was just one of those things children think. The more times she told me, however, something stirred inside me. Something I had long forgotten. This life is the dream. It is less real than where we come from. And that understanding has made all the difference.
My definition of faith has changed over the years. A word I once associated with one single religion, has now transformed to something each person holds dear every single day. We all have faith in whatever we believe in, and we are all trying to discover just who we are, and where we are going.
In my life, I have experienced instability, hopelessness, loss, abandonment, and trauma. I am a lost girl, as are all of you reading this. We are all lost souls who have forgotten our home. We are trying to navigate the roaring seas of this world. I hope that you will join me on this journey home, as we discover the adventures that await in everyday life, and the moments that make this life feel just a little bit like home. There is one thing that has remained the same since I was a child. I have always loved all things Disney. As Peter Pan said, “All you need is faith, trust, and pixie dust.”
And with that, my friends, away we go!